Men are from Mars: Women are from Croydon

1. I first came to realize that women were not of this planet when I saw that while a woman would complain if she were seen in her underwear she would be happy to be seen in a bikini. A lady friend explained to me that this was completely normal because a bikini is meant to be seen and underwear isn't. I said "Ah".

2. Men are much too silly: Women are much too sensible.

3. A beautiful woman in her twenties wants to be taken seriously. A serious woman in her forties wants to be taken beautifully.

4. Once upon a time I was walking along a street in Portugal with a mate and and two beautiful girls, wearing mini-skirts passed by. They made a comment to us that neither of us understood but didn't sound very friendly presumably for daring to look at them. This troubled me greatly as I had previously thought the idea of a mini-skirt was to attract attention. I've had two differing explanations for this in my life. A feminist told me that the women were wearing mini-skirts 'for themselves' (not quite sure what that means). The other explanation I had from a female friend hit home painfully. The girls were wearing the mini-skirts to attract the attention of the 3% of men who are good-looking and who "matter". "What about the 97% of us who aren't, and don't?" I asked with trepidation. "As far as they're concerned you can drop dead". Ah.

5. Once in a debate I heard someone argue that men are more romantic than women because they buy them flowers and wait endlessly in the rain for them even in a lost cause situation. "We kiss them. That should be romantic enough for them," answered a pretty girl.

6. Benjamin Hill, a renowned philosopher, once defined the following; one woman talking - a monologue; two women - a duologue; more than two women - a catalogue.

7. There is huge competition between men and women. In a debate at university a man commented that men make better liars than women. There was a chorus of womanly protest at this and loud female voices claiming women make much better liars... until it dawned on them what they were saying.